Keep Calm & Capy On — Whiskery Sour®

CLASSIFIED

🔒 INTERIOR DIVISION · WHISKERY SOUR INTELLIGENCE

CAPY SECURITY REPORT #004

Filed: 14:07 GMT · Colchester (Roman Garrison Town)

MISSION
ONGOING

— INCIDENT —

Four (4) Whiskered Queens reported airborne
Parachutes deployed; efficacy: variable
Royal complaints filed mid-air (n=14)
Royal sceptre last seen in capybara's left paw

— ASSETS DEPLOYED —

1 × emotionally stable rodent (briefed)
1 × magical corgi (slow-mo confirmed)
2 × cups of tea (cold, regrettably)
Biscuit reserves: 23% (declining)
Emergency cardboard house: armed

— COURT STATUS —

The Duchess: dignity intact, bonnet at risk
The Disputed Feline: appeal in progress
Royal Ambassador: Felinology informed. Kittens absconded. Roll-call ongoing.
Her Wrinkled Eminence: warm, but only just

— ORDERS —

Civilian intervention: ENCOURAGED
Tea levels: MAINTAINED at all times
Capybara morale: PROTECT at all costs
Pursuant to form 27/CAPY/B

⚜ THE ROYAL PARACHUTE REGISTER ⚜

meet the royals.

The official record of every cat ever inducted into the Whiskery Sour® Royal Parachute Division. Updated monthly. By capybara decree.

Follow the queens. See what they're getting up to.

@miniwag · @felinologycatshows · @hairlesswhiskersjp

Founding Queens

Visiting Royals

Inaugural Cycle

∞

In the Archive

The Court

FOUR PERMANENT QUEENS

⚜ FOUNDING QUEEN

Find her at @miniwag

Duchess of Couture

"Dry clean only."

She didn’t fall from grace. Grace was not invited.

Since: Day One

⚜ FOUNDING QUEEN

Dame Pemberton de Bonebottom

The Royal Corgi (Adamantly Feline)

"I AM A CAT WITH SHORT LEGS!"

She identifies as extraordinary. The evidence is undeniable.

🪄 Slow-Mo Sorceress · 📁 On active duty · Catch in flight

⚜ FOUNDING QUEEN

Find her at @felinologycatshows House of @jezebel_peterbalds

Elfi

Royal Ambassador of Felinology

"Tell the pigeons I’m busy."

She’s not ignoring you. She’s in a meeting. Airborne, but in a meeting.

📜 Felinology · Hunter & devoted mum

Nugget — Her Wrinkled Eminence, Keeper of Warmth

⚜ FOUNDING QUEEN

Find her at @hairlesswhiskersjp

Nugget

Her Wrinkled Eminence, Keeper of Warmth

"No fur. No fear."

She arrived without fur and left with everything.

Since: Day One

Visiting Royals

INAUGURAL CYCLE · AWAITING INDUCTION

🪂

SLOT 1 · OPEN

Awaiting nomination

"A royal silence"

🪂

SLOT 2 · OPEN

Awaiting nomination

"A royal silence"

🪂

SLOT 3 · OPEN

Awaiting nomination

"A royal silence"

🪂

SLOT 4 · OPEN

Awaiting nomination

"A royal silence"

🪂

SLOT 5 · OPEN

Awaiting nomination

"A royal silence"

⭐

★ CAT OF THE MONTH

Awaiting nomination

"A reigning silence"

📜 NOMINATIONS OPEN

Apply for the next cycle.

Each month, six visiting royals are inducted. Comment on our latest Instagram, Facebook or TikTok post with your cat's name, one photo, and one sentence of personality. Selected royals are notified by carrier corgi.

📸 Apply on Instagram → 👥 …or Facebook 📱 …or TikTok

THE ARCHIVE — Past royals retire here with full honours. The Inaugural Cycle has not yet retired; once the first six complete their month, their portraits, titles and official quotes will live here in perpetuity.

🐹 WHY THE CAPY CAVE

built for permanent residence.

☁️

A cushion for a head

Fluffy. Soft. Huggable. Cats make biscuits on top and don't stop. We have video evidence. JJ's particularly enthusiastic.

💛

A forever-shape belly

The belly never flattens. Permanent shape. Year one looks like year five. This is the bit that matters. This is why customers come back.

🕳️

The capy cave

Cats crawl in. Cats refuse to come out. Some customers bought a second one because the first cat wouldn't share. We are not joking.

❓ FREQUENTLY ASKED, EVENTUALLY ANSWERED

you have questions.

Is this really a game?

Yes — and free forever. Each round takes about 90 seconds. Browser-based. No download, no account. Built by a capybara on a deadline.

Is the cat house actually real?

Genuinely real. Soft fluffy capybara-shaped cave. Cushion head. Permanent-shape belly. Shipped from Colchester (the army-barracks town). Your cat will move in within 24 hours and refuse all subsequent invitations to leave.

How do I apply my cat?

Comment on our latest Instagram or TikTok with their name, one photo, and one sentence of personality. Six visiting royals per month.

Will the belly flatten?

No. That's the entire point. Permanent shape. We've watched five-year-old cats still treat theirs like new. It's our strongest selling point and the reason most customers buy a second one.

A second one?

Yes. A surprising number of customers buy a second cave. Their first cat moves in immediately and refuses to share. We have learned to expect this.

Do I only get 10% off if I score 500?

Yes. The code is revealed in-game when you hit 500 points. No score, no code — capybara rules.

Will my cat actually parachute?

No. We strongly advise against this. The royals in the game are stunt cats. Highly trained. Insured.

What's a "carrier corgi"?

A small messenger dog with strong opinions. Notifies you by DM if your royal is selected. Very official.

✱ ABOUT THE MAKER

why a capybara made a game.

Whiskery Sour® is one woman and one capybara in Colchester — Roman capital, garrison town, and home to more roundabouts than any one place deserves. I curate absurdly good capybara caves: fluffy, cushion-headed, with a forever-shape belly. I built this game because shopping for furniture is boring, royals are funny, and the capybara had 90 seconds free. Every purchase pays for one nap. (Mostly the capybara's.)

— Whiskery Sour®, by royal decree

tap to begin the descent.

How to not drop a royal.

meet the royals.

Apply for the next cycle.

the people who try.

built for permanent residence.

10% off the Capybara
Cave.

you have questions.

get notified when the next royals arrive.

why a capybara made a game.

tap to begin the descent.

How to not drop a royal.

meet the royals.

Apply for the next cycle.

the people who try.

built for permanent residence.

10% off the CapybaraCave.

you have questions.

get notified when the next royals arrive.

why a capybara made a game.

10% off the Capybara
Cave.