Happy Birthday, Human!
I can’t believe you’re turning [AGE].
That’s almost as many lives as I’ve pretended to use up every time you pick up the hoover.
But truly... I’m so glad you made it.
Not just to today. But through all the weird in-between bits.
The years you didn’t feel like celebrating.
The birthdays where the cake didn’t taste right.
The moments you thought no one noticed how quietly you were growing.
I noticed.
And I want you to know:
This year, I give you the greatest gift of all.
Me.
And also:
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A freshly shed whisker (you’re welcome)
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A biscuit I licked but didn’t eat
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The sound of me sprinting through the hallway at 3am (pure theatre)
But most of all:
I give you presence.
My curled-up, nap-scented, biscuit-crumb-covered presence.
Because every year you’re here?
That’s a year I get to love you.
So Happy Birthday.
And please... don’t light that candle near my tail again.
Love always,
[PET NAME]
🐾 Master of Ceremonies, Cake Inspector, Age Denier
